February 18, 2010

Not true thing of the day #3

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 9:38 am

In order to try and make these vignettes more humorous, and toss out a few the TBMs would not mind laughing at, I offer the following.  It was taught by my mission president, to an assemblage of mission leadership (about 50 19-21 year olds) on the subject of the gathering of the lost tribes of Israel.  This is big news for LDS apocalypters because gathering said tribes is necessary for the 2nd coming, which they all want to hasten as quickly as possible.  Hence, missionaries should be sent wherever it is those lost tribes are so we can bring them back and have the apocalypse.

As an aside, it was once a popular notion that they were in Russia.  Once that didn’t work out so well, the theory was altered to put them in China.  Apparently lost Israelites enjoy hiding in communist countries…  Anyway, the mission president was going through all the theories of where these tribes were, and describing why they fell short.  At the end of his presentation, he capped off with this:

Assertion:  Prophet X taught, and we should serious consider, that the center of the Earth may actually be hollow, and the lost tribes are living there, waiting to come forth.

In an effort to be more jovial, I will now represent the cognitive dissonance impacts of these assertions on a scale of 1 to 6 grimacing Calvins.  I award this assertion 1 Calvin, because it is so stupid it could never create enough dissonance to cause me unpleasentness.  It was somewhat enlightening on my mission president’s views.

Reality:  Really?  Do I need to go into this?  If I do, let me know in the comments =)

Note:  I’m not going to fill in the value for Prophet X, because I don’t have any evidence that my mission president was accurately quoting him, and I don’t want to validate a miss-attribution.


  1. Wow…You were exposed to a lot of quacks…

    How did I miss people like this? We grew up in the same places, with the same people! This sounds like something Sissy or Sis. Gebhard or so many other women I came in contact with would have jumped on and preached with ferver!

    Was he joking? Maybe you had a “Terra” momment and just didn’t get the joke?

    Comment by Terra — February 18, 2010 @ 9:52 am

  2. Thats crazy and VERY funny. I too heard crazy things like that on my mission (not from my mission president mind you, but from other missionaries) I got into a VERY heated conversation once when I made the mistake of telling another missionary that I knew that not all callings were “inspired”. As you can imagine this dod NOT go over well and the missionary spent a very long time trying to convince me that ALL callings were inspired by God. He did not convince me of this and thought I was border lining on blasphemy.

    Comment by Jason Heilpern — February 19, 2010 @ 3:50 am

  3. I was taught that same teaching in my sunday school class. I remember it being a regular subject brought up.

    Comment by abby — February 19, 2010 @ 9:00 pm

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